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Losing yourself in a relationship

Watching this interview of Priscilla Presley discussing her marriage to Elvis as well as my own experiences have inspired me to write a blog post about 'losing yourself' while in a relationship.

I can relate to this feeling to a certain extent. There have definitely been times when I felt like I wasn't sure who I was anymore because I'd adapt my lifestyle and habits to suit my relationship so much that I began to forget what I liked & who I was without him.

I still had the same friends and deep down I knew what I wanted to do and who I wanted to meet up with, but my boyfriend at the time had been my no.1 priority. I was willing to convince myself that doing things his way would benefit me more and that I didn't enjoy certain things. For example, at one moment in time, I considered myself to be 'too old and mature' to go clubbing and spend nights surrounded by 'sweaty, drunk and desperate men' in an overcrowded nightclub. Did I really believe that was the case? No, he just convinced me that this was the right way of looking at this.

Are the above types often present in nightclubs? Yes. Was I right to tell myself that I didn't want to go and I was 'too mature' for this kind of entertainment at the age of 18 or 19? No! Thinking about it now, I realize how ridiculous that reasoning even is! But back then, my priority was to not make him jealous, especially that clubbing had never been his thing so he wouldn't be really enthusiastic about joining me in the first place...and going by myself would always lead to conflict.


Some other things that occurred to me during my journey of self-discovery and learning assertiveness were that it was 100% my right to do whatever I wanted with my appearance (he always wanted me to have long hair and I cut it short regardless) and realizing that I have attachment issues and I have to stop freaking out at the mere thought of breaking up because, although I hope it never does happen, life will go on if it does and being single isn't the worst thing in the world.

Relationships are hard work and losing your identity in a relationship isn't necessarily because the other person is controlling or suffers from obsessive behavior. Sometimes it happens subconsciously - you just want what's best for you as a couple and you forget about your wants and needs for a while. 

Also, it works both ways! For example, I never felt fully comfortable with the thought of my (current) boyfriend having tattoos. I mean, I love tattoos but they're so....permanent. What if I change my mind in 5 years and I don't like them anymore? What if my family won't like my boyfriend having tattoos? - These were questions I asked myself every time he started the conversation! And thanks to my worries and indecisiveness, he didn't get any for the 4 years we've been together, although it has always been his dream. But guess what, things changed and funnily enough, he's getting tattooed as I'm writing this blog post! I love him for him, it's his body and his dream and I learned to respect that. 

It's okay to change as a person, to grow and to want to change your partner for the better. It's wrong, however, to forcefully impose change on your better half. Likewise, don't forget who you are, no matter how in love you are. There are things you can do as a couple and there should be things you do for you! 
* * * 
Be sure to check out Priscilla's story if it's of interest! Meeting Elvis at the age of 14 and getting married to someone so famous at the young age of 21 was the perfect recipe for the identity crisis she suffered. Fortunately, she was able to rediscover herself eventually.

I hope you enjoyed reading this blog post (very long-winded..I know!) and I hope you'll visit my blog again soon! :-) 

Paula
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